


With A Smile

by Sammylostshoe



Category: No Fandom, Original Work
Genre: Friendship, Unrequited Love, getting over it, this is just something I wrote for myself and publishing it is part of that, this is not a fandom work
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-28
Updated: 2015-06-28
Packaged: 2018-04-06 14:41:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 796
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4225764
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sammylostshoe/pseuds/Sammylostshoe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It started with a smile. A smile so bright looking at it gives you headaches, a smile that competes with the infinity of the horizon, the clarity of a forest spring and the willfulness of angry waves during a storm. It started with a smile that created so many more.</p>
            </blockquote>





	With A Smile

**Author's Note:**

> This is a writing exercise and also an attempt to put feelings into words. These words are not about a real person, they are about both real and fictional feelings, projected onto a purely fictional character.

It is out of question. And if there ever was a question, then the answer was found soon, and it was ‘no’. It is out of question and it always was and yet you are here asking.

It started with a smile. A smile so bright looking at it gives you headaches, a smile that competes with the infinity of the horizon, the clarity of a forest spring and the willfulness of angry waves during a storm. It started with a smile that created so many more.

 

You meet him for the first time, and you are nervous. It’s not a big deal, you say to yourself, it’s just a stranger who will hopefully be your friend one day. You hug hello. You feel comfortable. It’s easy. Simple conversation and simple laughter. You feel happiness simmering through your body and the sun is shining.

You see his sweater on your couch and you smile. It’s been a few weeks only, and he forgot his sweater on your couch. You pick it up, fold it and set it down onto the back rest. It won’t be long until he will be here again and take it with him. Until then you can see it and every time you smile.

You hold onto him and you don’t want to let go. It is both a metaphor and a description. You feel alone. You feel alone, but then he wraps his arms around you. He is holding you, and you are crying. He is holding you, and you are breathing. He is holding you, and you feel safe. You still feel alone, but maybe alone isn’t so bad when he’s around.

It’s been a while since his sweater saw your couch, and you miss him. You think of his smile when you are sad, and it makes the clouds lighten up a bit, and it makes the rain warm and the wind soft. You think of his smile when you are sad, and you are still sad, but also happy. And you miss him.

You don’t know where the lines of friendship end, but then again, who does? You miss him and you want to be with him but you don’t want to be _with_ him. You decide that it is love and you don’t know what kind, don’t know what else. He smiles at you again and you feel it in the tips of your fingers that you are smiling too. You decide that it is love and that is enough.

He is sad and you are suffocating. You close your eyes and concentrate on steadying your breath. It will be fine, you tell yourself. It will be fine, it will be okay. The flowers that surround him are a taunting contrast to his face, blooming in glowing colors, ridiculing the grey that outlines his mouth, his eyes, his hair. It will be fine, it is okay. He will smile again and that is enough.

You know it went too far. He smiled and you smiled and then he left the room and so did your smile. It went too far and it needs to stop. You tell yourself you need to stop but you don’t know how. His smile is bright enough to lead you through a cloudy night and new moon. You need to learn to see again, to find your own light. It is hiding in his hands when they hold yours, in his fingers when they touch you, in his words when he speaks. It hides in his laugh, in his tears, in his grin. You turn around and that is enough.

You see him and he smiles, but the sun is shining for you, not from him. You see him and you smile, and you know that it is okay to love him, because the sun shines for you and for him and for the rest of the world. You see him and he smiles, and you have a secret. You see him and you smile, and you love him and that is enough.

You take his hand and you lead him to the door. You hug him to say goodbye. He is no stranger, he is your friend, and that is enough. He is your friend and you love him, and that is enough. When he smiles you smile, and when you smile he smiles, and that is enough. You find his sweater on your couch and you miss him and that is okay.

 

It started with a smile. A smile with the force of a forest fire, a smile with the density of folded steel, the deafening percussion of thunder, the shattering uproar of silence and the persistence of life.

It started with a smile and it created so much more.

**Author's Note:**

> These are words about feelings. Most are from the past, some are from the present and a few will maybe happen in the future. I realize that some of them don’t make any sense whatsoever to anyone but me. And that is enough.


End file.
